In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
