I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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