I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
