wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
