If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
