May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
