i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
