You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
