He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
