Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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