my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
