Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
