you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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