I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
