So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
