This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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