My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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