I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
