Is it because I queefed?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
