I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
