You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
