It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
