so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I could fuck to npr.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
