Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
