I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
