if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
