I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
