I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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