Sacagawea was the original milf.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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