'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My vagina is officially offended.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
