We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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