im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
