After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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