Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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