Will you blow on my dice?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
