my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
