You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
