I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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