please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
