So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
is it fun? or sober?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
