Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
