She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
