You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
