I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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