Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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