I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just google imaged poop.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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