Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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