I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
