Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
