I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
