Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
